Last weekend I didn’t go to the allotment. I was tormented by guilt the entire day but really I just needed a break. I’ve been struggling with everything, fearing I’m falling behind, fearing I’m too stupid, feeble, weak, slapdash to get anything done and the whole allotment thing has been another example of my inability to see anything through.
This is my anxiety, self-sabotage brain getting its claws into me, and I decided I wasn’t having it.
So this weekend I met my friend who bought his electric drill, we loaded up the car with everything I needed, swung by B&Q to buy screws then built 4 raised beds out of the pile of crowbarred pallets I sorted out a few weeks ago.
Just like that.
Honestly without my friends patience and willingness to teach me i don’t think I could have done it and the sense of accomplishment and joy I felt after was better than any therapy or severe talking to. I achieved something many people thought was a stupid idea but I sure showed them.
Almost even better than that was when I looked at my still plastic covered plot and realised the couch grass underneath had essentially turned into a hay carpet, I want that stuff to rot down to make my life easier next year but it wasn’t going to do that if I take the plastic off. Then it hit me, just cut out the squares for the raised beds, leave the rest down to do the job. Another win for me, instead of asking for help with a solution I came up with one myself. Another super boost.
In my epic 8 hours stint at the plot this week I also moved the two raspberry plants that were dotted around the outskirts of the plot, secured some sad looking raspberry canes from a friend that will hopefully spring into life in the next few months, found some of my potato plants have flourished so just waiting for those to flower for picking and planted a few wild-flowers around the place.
Bank holiday weekend will hopefully see me finishing the digging (I find it really hard work, even it it’s just a few squares) and getting some seedlings in the ground, I have far too many and a few of them are bursting out of their pots!